steve had the chance to give naomi a blessing at
church on sunday.
he did such a beautiful job. it made me reflect on how much i love this baby of mine. and how she will grow up way too fast and what great friends i hope we can become. steve also reminded me of the two great women she is named after. naomi for her faith and righteous example in the old testament and sandra for my mom. who was also a faithful and righteous example.
okay...so this is where we get deep...ready?... lately i have been thinking of my mom a lot. for obvious reasons. having your first baby can make you do those sorts of things. of course, i think about how i wish she could be here to help me know what in the world i am doing. but really its not even that. because i have so many wonderful "mother" examples that can help me with that.
{and do!} but i guess there is just something about that fact that i am a mom now that makes me want
my mom even more. i feel like now i finally really understand her love for me. because i feel that love for my daughter. i always kind of thought that i was the one that got the rotten end of the deal. but now... i can't imagine what she must have gone through, knowing that she was going to die and leave her little girl behind. knowing that she would not be there to see her grow up...
now i think about if i was in her position. i think that would be worse. i bet all you moms out there would agree with me on that one.
on a lighter note, i have also been thinking about all the "real" memories i have of her. its hard to know which ones are real and which ones are ones i've been told or imagined, since i was only 7 when she died. however, there is one specific memory that keeps replaying in my mind...every night before i went to sleep my mom would kneel by the side of her bed and say her personal nighttime prayer. i would kneel beside her with my arms folded and my eyes closed. i never heard her say anything but i would just kneel there next to her and peek out every few seconds to see when she was done. it always took a few peeks because she said long prayers. especially long to a little girl like me.
and then when she was done she would climb into bed, turn on her lamp and read her scriptures. i would crawl into bed and snuggle up beside her and while she read to herself she would always have one hand reaching behind her holding my hand. and that is how i fell asleep every night.
thinking about that makes me wonder what memories i want naomi to have with me. if that memory of my mom is one of the only "real" memories i have with her, i couldn't ask for a better one. even as a little girl i knew what was important to her. her faith and me.
now that i have a little girl of my own i hope that i can be that kind of example to her.
