one last time

this morning my gramma passed away.

if you remember, i've written about her on occassion {here and here}.

i saw her just yesterday. to be honest, after that visit i wanted her to go. seeing her like that made my heart hurt. we had to put her in an assisted living last month. i went and visited her every week. i am so grateful that i did that. each week her health got worse but that experience really did something to me.

kinda changed me.

so for you, my readers, {and for me} here is one last story...

this was my last actual conversation with gramma. i went to visit her at the "place." i was kinda anxious since the last time i visited, when she was awake, she was upset and just kept asking me to take her home. but this time was different. it seemed like she had accepted the fact that this was her new "place." for now.

i walk in and find her in the common area. that's usually a good sign. and she's awake. could be a bad sign...i walk up and give her a hug.

me: hi, gramma

gramma: hi, dear

me: how are you doing?

gramma: oh, okay. they brought me out here...i don't know why.

me: well i think they are getting lunch ready for everyone.

gramma: oh, how's your husband?

me: {surprised she seems to know who i am} he's good. he's at work.

gramma: you're happy?

me: yes. very happy.

gramma: good. you sure picked a good one.

me: yeah, i did.

gramma: now, who are you again?

me: lizzie. i'm richard's daughter. i'm your granddaughter.

gramma: oh, i'm sure lucky to have a granddaughter like you. to come visit me.

me: well, i come because i love you gramma.

gramma: love you too dear. now...where's my husband?

me: ummm...gramma, your husband died. two years ago.

gramma: i know, not my first husband. he died. i'm looking for my second husband.

me: gramma, you don't have a second husband.

gramma: {looking incredulous, responded with a laugh} honey, yes i do.

after about an hour of visiting i told her i had to leave.

gramma: oh no, do you really have to go? i had such a nice visit.

me: yeah, i do have to go. but i'll see you again soon, okay?

gramma: okay, dear.

me: love you, bye.

gramma: love you too.

she was stubborn, sweet, caring, persistant, witty, caring, and interested.

i'm gonna miss her.

see you again soon, gramma.

xo. lizzie

beautiful people

do you see these beauties?
i don't know why but i have been blessed with some of life's most precious gems. there's something to say about making a friend {even if you're related} and then keeping that friend for years on end. and i mean really being friends...like i know the details of their lives, their joys, their fears, their successes, their past, their present...and they know mine.

they can predict how i'm going to react, tell me when i'm overreacting and comfort me when i've lost myself.

this one's not as good, due to the wind and chill factor. {mind you this was jan. 3rd}

but there are a few dear friends of mine in this pic that are not in the first.

i feel like in life there are two different types of people. there are those people who need other people and there are those that would rather tough it out on their own. over the years i've discovered i am a little of both types...

most of the time i like to try and tough it out on my own and see how far i can get, but then i find out my dad needs open-heart surgery and for a month i keep it all in, thinking non-stop about the fact that i could literally be an orphan at age 17...so finally i break and tell katie, sobbing in the olympus highschool parking lot.

or just a few weeks ago when we put my gramma in an assisted living and she hated us. i tried to act so tough, visiting her with a smile on my face, every wednesday. but then when i go to leave she holds my hand tighter saying "no, please. please don't leave me here. let me come live with you. i'll sleep on the floor!" that's when i break. and my sweet, sweet steve gets to pick up the pieces. and watch to me cry my eyes out while he just holds my hand and listens...

so i guess when it really comes down to it...i'm the type that needs people. thanks for being my people

friends, romans, countrymen

in two weeks we'll be here...

then here

and then here

can't. even. wait!